2 months down... 10 to go.

At the request of my best friend from high school I am returning to my blog. There will be many posts about my experiences volunteering at an English Camp at my friend Micah's school for the Blind children of Incheon, my experience at Ultra Music Fest and my take on the differences between the EDM scene in America v. Korea and one post one my journey back to fitness with Korean yoga and Spinning classes (both of which I highly recommend). As the title for my blog is "20 something and figuring out life" I am amazed to find that just when I think I have my life figured out the path I'm supposed to take and the happiness I found in that decision everything changes and I feel lost and back to square one again. Life in Korea has been such a roller coaster thus far. I have been uncomfortable and felt more awkward than I've ever felt (mainly when it comes to being at school) while at times I have met people that have made me feel so comfortable and "at home" with their friendship. In terms of school, do I like teaching? It's hard to call that now. Being two months new into teaching (ever) a classroom of 13-15 year old kids that are poor, low low level English (they cannot even really answer "how are you?") has been tough. These students are also unmotivated because the Korean education system 1) supports 'students rights'- a more recent shift from the corporal punishment method so they run a muck during and in between classes and 2) they don't really fail students meaning they pass them through the system whether or not they actually do well in school. Half the time students are looking in their mirrors using their combs (see my post about "Vanity in Korea") or sleeping on their desks. The other students are busy chatting away or mocking me when I speak or laugh. What I have come to realize is those students usually do not speak much English so it could be their way or being the disruptive kid in class to make light of their lack on knowledge on the subject. Every week has been an uphill battle for me to come to school. But I am not alone. I have talked to one of my 6 co-teachers (the teachers that have to translate EVERYTHING I say when I teach as my student's cannot understand me) and being in her first year as well she feels very similar to my sentiments in trying to motivate these children. I thought this experience would be a good for me to strengthen my knowledge of the international world and help me when I returned to America to be back in the industry I timed-out from- International Education. At this moment I am not sure if I want to return to that industry anymore- but that could be because I have become jaded by what I thought Korean education was like versus what it is (a scene from "500 Days of Summer" plays back in my head as I write that). As of today I feel very discouraged at my job here in Korea, mainly because the students are more low level than I ever expected they'd be and I feel very lost as to what I will be doing upon my return back home if I do not return back to International Education. The blessings through this past couple months really has been technology and my friends and family. Having the Viber app on my phone and having FaceTime and Skype at home have been true blessings. In my deepest moments of panic and despair I have been able to lean on my amazing friends and family back at home that were not only there every step of the way in my decision to come here, but continue to remind me why I'm here and how I'll be able to make it through these coming months. Also, Facebook Messenger and Kakao Talk have been my domestic blessings and my new friends that I have met have given me the numerous amounts of pep talks so far to stay in the game. It can be tough to hear when some of your friends have amazing schools with students that are just wonderful (mostly Elementary teachers), but when you do find those friends that are going through the same questions and doubts as you or the ones that have gone through them and can give you tips on how to push through it makes the days a lot less trying and I am reminded that I am not alone in these feelings. So for today I have come to the conclusion (and it most likely will change tomorrow or the next week when I have another WTF moment) that no matter how much I figured out the next year of my life (maybe longer) Iwill still have my doubts about it. I am going to push through and have been thinking and working on way to evolve my teaching to help these kids. I do have to realize at the end of the day, teaching is not about reaching all students and making a difference, but rather reaching one or two students and making an impact on them.